Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
