How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Randomize
