Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
