Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
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