so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
