There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
It's official drugs can't kill me
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
