We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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