Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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