she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
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