i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
