Got a toothbrush?
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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