she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize