Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
i dont even know how to be here
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
