a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Randomize
