covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
In America we eat man semen.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
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