I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
