My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize