btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
