Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Randomize
