At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
