i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
