Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
