Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
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