o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
