i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Randomize
