Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize