hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
