Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
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