She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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