Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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