normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
