she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
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