oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Randomize
