I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Randomize
