They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize
