I'm sorry my penis didn't work
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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