Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
