forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
sarcasm needs its own font
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
50% drunk capacity currently
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
