U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
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