Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
no, he came in my armpit
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
