i permit you to call me
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
