i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
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