It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Randomize