I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
