No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
