i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
