She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Randomize
