everyone is single if you try hard enough
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
