Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
