something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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