does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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