i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
