Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Found your dick twin last night
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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