Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
The beer is more important than you right now.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize