Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
