my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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