Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
