I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Randomize
