Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
