get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
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