Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
