I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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