Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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