i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
