So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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