just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
