i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
