I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
