I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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