How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
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