But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
