We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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