very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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