I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize