I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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