Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
You're like the curious george of whores
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
