We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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